Thank you for being here. You are one of the 69 people who opted in to stay after the GDPR emails and I really appreciate it.
I had a moment of; ‘have I done the right thing’ when subscriptions dived from over 500. Should I have just assumed people wanted to stay on the list?
It was ouchy to drop from over 500 to 69.
Then it was even more cringy to realise I had fallen in the trap of the numbers-game, Facebook-popularity-likes stakes.
Then I felt ashamed.
Then I got over myself.
For what I see is that my ego is strong. It shows up all over the place and of course it’s really a very necessary part of everyday functioning.
The bit of my ego which isn’t so useful is the competitive, perfectionist bit:
More subscribers = better.
Deeper yoga bends = better.
Me. It’s all still scaffolding the small, insecure bit of me that wonders, not so often but often enough, if I am enough, good enough, loveable enough.
I must be if I have the likes/subscribes/perfect yoga poses.
Sigh, there is still work to do.
But you know what? I’ve been re-writing the domestic abuse book in the form of fairy stories and it is the easiest thing ever.
Easy because I love escaping into fairy land.
Easy because I love mixing potions with words.
Easy because the stories just seem to come, complete, with their own voices.
Easy because my ego is right out of the way, nowhere to be seen, not a whisper to be heard. Just the voices of the stories the women told me.
Which is my learning. That the right things are just right. No ego, no striving, just an open receptivity. No need to prove anything or chase anything or convince anyone.
So thank you for being here, accepting me for what I am. With ease. I really appreciate that.