Domestic Abuse – I need your help
I need your help to stop domestic abuse and violence.
1 in 4 women will suffer from domestic abuse in their life (and some men) and every week 2 women are killed by their partner and don’t even make front page news. Did you know that Geraldine Newman and her 2 children were murdered by her ‘estranged’ husband less than 2 weeks ago in a ‘domestic-related incident. Mr Newman has a history of domestic violence against his wife.’ He killed her with a hammer. Did you also know that 10 days ago a supply teacher in Kent was strangled to death by her banker husband aged 54?
So I need your help to stop it.
- How shall we do this together when none of us are the experts and we have so little time?
The web site is for adults and young people living with domestic abuse, schools and organizations. www.togetheragainstdomesticabuse.com
- Please will you download and read the eBooks most suited to you. If you don’t know anyone living with domestic abuse, please still download one of the workplace guides so that if anyone ever discloses to you, you are able to sign post them effectively to the help they need.
There are free eBooks for each group to download with:
- Signs and symptoms of domestic abuse so they can spot what is happening
- The affect domestic abuse has on young people and victims
- The legal position on domestic abuse
- Signposting to support agencies
- Advice on how to respond if someone tells you about domestic abuse
- Ideas about how schools and organizations and protect and prevent domestic abuse.
I have researched the available information and put it all in one place.
Because domestic abuse is a crime and any child living in a house where there is domestic abuse is at risk or harm and therefore there is a child protection issue and anyone who knows that a child is at risk of harm and does nothing is themselves committing a crime.
No one goes into a relationship thinking ‘oh goody, he or she is going to abuse me’. The control is insidious; it is incremental, it creeps up on you. To start with the fact that they don’t want you to go out without them seems romantic; they just love us so much they want to be with us. It is only much later, if ever that we realise that we have lost those friends, that we never go out and that we therefore have no support.
Much of domestic abuse is not violent, but psychological, social, financial and emotional. A new law was introduced on 29th December recognizing coercive control as a crime.
The survivors and kids eBooks are for the people living with domestic abuse who don’t know they are, as well as those who do know what they are living with but don’t know what to do about it. The eBooks show them what domestic abuse is so they can get support and the eBooks provide information of how to get help.
Schools are in a unique position to make a difference as nearly every child in the country attends school, so therefore schools have access to nearly every family.
All too often schools miss the signs and symptoms of domestic abuse as they just don’t know enough about it. I have heard from victims who, when they turned up at school in a state after a domestic incident and told the school, the school did nothing, or worse has put it down to ‘dads being dads’. When a victim discloses, schools need to know it is a disclosure and know where to sign post the victim to.
This is absolutely schools’ business because there are children in that home at risk of harm. Even if a child just hears or sees abuse without being touched, they are being harmed.
Schools need to tie domestic abuse training in with child protection training and to that end I have put together a video for schools that can be played at a staff meeting or PD day to raise awareness.
Schools also have a huge opportunity to prevent domestic abuse by using PSHE, SRE and pastoral tutoring to educate young people about what an abusive relationships is so that not only are we giving them the information some of them might need to get help for their family, but also so that we are preventing abuse in future. If kids know what abuse is, they are less likely to end up in an abusive relationship themselves.
Organizations employ people. Some of those people will be living with abuse or may be the abusers. Many will have children. Organisations need to know what domestic abuse is so they can spot the signs and know how to support the families affected by it, there is a video and an eBook to help them do this.
This isn’t about you, me, schools or organisations and employers suddenly becoming experts in domestic abuse (although they could with training). This is about raising awareness of what domestic abuse is so that we can spot it sooner and get the right help to the people who need it.
- I need your help to get these free eBooks into schools, organisations and families.
Safelives.org.uk says that ‘On average high-risk victims live with domestic abuse for 2.6 years before getting help’.
Let’s help ensure victims know where to get help sooner.
Safelives also say: ‘ 85% of victims sought help five times on average from professionals in the year before they got effective help to stop the abuse’
Help me make sure that the very first person a victim tells about the abuse knows what to do.
Every time a victim tells someone about the abuse and isn’t believed, taken seriously or helped, they are pushed further into the abuse. Most victims feel such a sense of shame and fear that it takes huge courage to tell someone about how they are being treated so let’s make sure that when they do take that risk, that they immediately get the help they need.
- I need your help. I’d like you to use your influence in your workplaces and with friends and colleagues to raise awareness of domestic abuse so that families get the help they need.
- Will you help?
- Who can you share the information with?
- How can you use the information to raise awareness?
- Download the free eBooks you need so you know what domestic abuse is and how to help anyone one who confides in you.
I’m currently doing research for a book domestic abuse so if you, or anyone you know has lived with domestic abuse and would be willing to be interviewed by me, please contact me by hitting reply on this email. Your reply will be confidential.
Together we can make a difference.
This website went live late Friday night but I was out of wifi range so couldn’t post this blog until now.
I feel so sad as Alan Cooper, who I worked with for some years, who mentored me on my PhD, who supported my writing and shared his, and who continued to be a huge source of wisdom, compassion and support, died yesterday. Alan proof read and edited the eBooks, sharing his vast experience of education and his time working with Relate. He supported the project and had offered to help me raise awareness in schools.
I never got to show him the end product of his help and will never be able to share the ‘what comes next’ with him. Alan was so generous with his time, his intelligence, his experience and his compassion. I will miss him greatly and hope that we can do him proud with making a difference that he too wanted to see.
Thank you Alan, you will be missed.