First the tibia,

his,

not mine.

The horror of waiting in pain

of watching it pale and bleach his skin to blue.

 

Then

My growl  to keep him safe

my voice

to advocate

so he is not just another patient

to be processed by staff

doing their best

under-water with overwhelm themselves.

 

Then

safe ward

x-ray

morphine

at last respite,

not complete,

but some relief.

 

Then

the rest of life piles in

his school

my work

caretaking

house keeping

loving.

 

I feel another break approaching

I have been to that edge before

the edge where I tried to do it all so fell crumbled on the floor.

 

This time

I see it coming

feel my heart pounding

my anxiety sweating

my attention battling.

 

This time

I lay down the fight of pushing through, doing it all, toughing it out.

I let things float away.

I ask for help.

I cut back.

We shut down and in,

locked down again

differently.

 

This time

I don’t break

I relinquish doing it all

and do what matters most

caring for him

loving

 

For if I fall apart

so does he

the curse and blessing of the single parent

total responsibility.

 

Together we re-focus on what matters.

Differently

we heal.

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you enjoyed reading this please share it with friends. You might also be interested in talking to me about coaching , or maybe try some of my online courses (some are free), or treat yourself to a climate protecting pamper with vegan friendly, organic Tropic which supports the planting of forests and education in deprived areas.
Thanks for being here.
Julie