So, after a long spell dealing with things down the bottom of Maslow (which still need attention)…the early mornings and longer nights do seem to be finally having an effect.
During the inspiration lull I’ve been noticing that my urge to succeed and achieve seems to have gone. I’ve been big on achievement in my life, whether it’s qualifications, projects, writing…there has always been something in the world I’ve wanted to achieve.
And that urge seemed to have gone. I like my work, I love my kids, friends and family and I have my health. That’s enough.
But it wasn’t very comfortable as I have been feeling like I’ve lost my sense of purpose and meaning other than to do what I do to the best of my ability.
And as I reflected more I saw that of course it’s not just about what I do, but about who I am. I want to be the best mum, friend and partner I can be; which is harder to define and much harder to do.
I spent time over Easter with my lovely friend T. When I first met T 15 years ago, she was still lovely but very pinched and worried. She suffered from back pain and seemed anxious.
Fast forward to Easter and I spent time with someone who looks younger than she did when we first met, not because of any external work, but because of the amount of internal work she has done. She is radiant.
She wakes up in the morning and ‘pre-paves’ her day by writing down all her positive expectations for the day and at the end of her day she writes down her blessings.
She is really tuned into her own intuition and is guided on it in all things; is it feels good she does it, if it doesn’t, she doesn’t.
She sees the world as a reflection of herself. Rather than thinking ‘this makes me feel bad’ she asks herself what she is doing/thinking/believing to make herself feel bad.
She is one of the most loving, accepting, non-judgmental people I know and she is so much fun to be with. She laughs easily and finds pleasure in the small things she notices that I take for granted.
So when I’ve been reflecting these last weeks, I see that the outside world and achievement is not the place to be looking now. I’ve achieved what I want to achieve in that sphere and am happy where I am. Which isn’t to say I won’t write or start new projects, it’s just that achievement doesn’t feel like the driver any more.
Instead I’m going to learn from T by listening more to my intuition and being guided to do more of what I want and less of what I don’t want.
Maybe, as we get older, we spend less time transmitting and more time receiving. Maybe the energy that goes into starting careers, having children, building homes is free to turn inward, to clear ‘the doors of perception’, and to fine tune our inner world.
I notice that my older friends are amazing listeners, carers, thinkers and presences. They seem to spend more time receiving and appreciating, than transmitting and doing.
Or if there is transmission, it is at a ‘being’ level. They transmit calm, love, acceptance, joy and non-judgemenal positive regard.
That’s how I want to live my life more and more. That is my intention.
And if we could all be like that, what a different world we would live in.
It’s good to be back 🙂